inner divinity

Always searching for some guidance, some beacon,

some spot of light to guide my way,

I began to notice that a faint whisper preempted each decision I made,

and that little voice always had my best interest at heart.

It took many, many years to finally hear this voice,

and I only wish that I had slowed down earlier enough to hear her.

Spent a lot of time chasing bliss, many shining ones lead me astray,

all the while this pillar of light was residing inside me.

I want to be closer, to know how she moves,

to not make anymore bad decisions.

I want swim the perfection of her current,

after all I am only human, this voice is clearly divine.

Sometimes I don't want to listen, wish I could block her out,

and sometimes she's plain inconvenient.

Nevertheless in the end it's my decision, I will go my own way,

but I know that if I take her direction I can't go wrong.

My ZZZZz

As a child I would try to stay awake at night as long as I could,

as if some thing would happen at a certain hour.

As a young adult I thought I could adjust to life without sleep,

and that lead me down a very dark, tiring road.

Now, I use sleep as the ultimate escape

when I feel I need to get away and no place on Earth is far enough,

when what I really need is to leave my body,

I put my head on a pillow and drift away like a feather.

First there's thought, bouncing like a ping pong ball through my mind,

then I focus on the darkness before my eyes, slowly drifting,

thoughts fade, darkness envelopes me and finally,

the wonderful, blissful feeling of mid sleep.

The period of, not quite asleep,

lucid dreaming, thoughts not quite dead yet,

where I can dream with intent,

I am swimming with the current of subconscious.

I try to prolong this time, to keep my head afloat,

so I might remain conscious of the difficulties resolved,

or see anything behind the scenes.

But mostly simply to appreciate the divine experience of living,

Marissa

I met my 8 month old niece today,

and felt the warmth of new life in my arms

I wrapped them around her like a trusty sailors knot.

I had the feeling of wanting to introduce her,

to birds, to kittens, to airplanes, to the world.

all she wanted was my ice cream cone.

But I needed to make contact.

Eye contact.

So I stood her up on my thighs,

feeling her legs bare the weight of her body,

and she looked behind me, to the side of me,

But there was a moment, one sweet moment,

when she looked directly into my eyes

Hi sweetheart, hello Marrisa,

I humbly offer myself to her,

I am your uncle and will love you always.

She takes a shot at my ice cream.

Ex Girlfriend

No I cannot talk to you on the phone. I text her.

Because you left foot prints on my heart and it feels kinda good when they're filled.

Yeah I lied when I said that I had a girlfriend because I was scared.

You said that you want to hug me.

I want to be surrounded by the scent of your hair.

And dive into the curve of your neck blowing kisses all the way.

You are my past.

It was really a blast, I'm glad it was with you.

I don't want to go running from the thing that made me who I am.

Instead I hold it close and wipe the dust from it's eyes.

Its my reference point after all.

It taught me lessons....sometimes more than once. I'm hard headed.

I learned that from it too.

So I am now calling her, I want to talk.

And I left a message.

If she calls back I might tell her that the past is the past.

Lets let it be, how are you getting along today.

No sentences starting with, "Remember when..."

Its all about right now. New memories.

Let us make them happy.